That's What She Said

The problem most "nice guys" have is that they try to win a girl's heart by doing things they think a girl wants. They know how the leading man in their favorite romantic comedy shows up at the doorstep with a bouquet of flowers on the first date, and they think that has to be the way to a woman's heart. That type of thinking is the basis for all the problems. Nice guys "try" to do things they think will work. This screams of insecurity and neediness. You want to know the fastest way away from a girl's heart, well try being an insecure guy and see how far you get.

That isn't to say you can't do nice things for someone, but if you are trying too hard to impress then that just shows you aren't sure of yourself and your good qualities. If you aren't sure of your good qualities then how do your expect anyone else to? So what does that mean? It means that women will tend to gravitate to more self-assured and confident characteristics. Confidence, however should never be confused with cockiness or arrogance. It is a very fine line, and some women may go for the cocky guy, but I'm pretty sure those aren't the types we are looking at for a relationship.

So if confidence is attractive and neediness is not, then how do we go about making changes? First, you have to take a good look in the mirror and figure out what makes you a special person on this planet. Everyone has something to offer, and has attractive attributes however sometimes those traits get forgotten. If you aren't good at "typical" alpha male activities, then find stuff that you are good at. Maybe you have a hobby that makes you unique in your circle of friends, and you don't often express your opinions because you don't want to seem different. Now is a great time to start letting that part of you shine. For instance, if you love 80s movies maybe you can start doing a blog dedicated to Molly Ringwold (Actually let's hold off on that one for a little longer.)

Another way self confidence can manifest itself is by actually having an opinion. A girl doesn't want a doormat who says, "Yes, dear" to everything she has to say. She wants to date an individual who has likes and dislikes. Girls want a guy who keeps them on their toes. They want excitement in their lives, and they don't want someone who is predictable. So if you don't like a particular restaurant then speak up. It doesn't mean you have to be a jerk about it, but let it be known that you would rather go somewhere else. Which is another good time to show confidence by suggesting another place. Taking a leadership role is definitely a manly trait to have. Nice guys will usually try whatever they can to keep the peace, however indecisiveness is another no-no. If a girl says she doesn't care where you go, then that is her telling you that she wants you to step into the role of a man and make the decision. They rarely care where they actually are, as long as they are having fun and are comfortable. So take the opportunity to make a decision even if you are unsure whether or not she will like it. Who knows, maybe you'll introduce her to a new place that she'll always identify with you.

One key word to remember is "wussy". I'm sure when you say that word you can conjure up an image in your head of who that person is, perhaps you may have never seen yourself as a wuss. If you're a nice guy though, you more than likely, have displayed numerous qualities that could be placed in the "wuss" category. Wussies have no confidence. They are unsure of their opinions, and never want to ruffle any feathers. Wussies are non-threatening and are not seen as very manly. Women want to date a man not a wuss. That doesn't mean you have to puff out your chest and kick sand in the face of anyone smaller than you, but it does mean you should begin to think and act more like Superman and less like Clark Kent. We all know how that story goes.

Do's and Don'ts for nice guys:

Do's

• Find something you're good at and take pride in it.
  
• Have a social life outside of the home. That doesn't mean you have to go to bars, but find activities where you can be yourself and feel at ease
  
• Have an opinion. Opinions are what make you an individual and make you interesting. Not everyone is going to always agree with you, so don't worry about it if they don't.
• Treat everyone with courtesy and respect, but don't lose who you are to please others.
• Confidence! Confidence! Confidence!
• Show ambition. Women love a man who is trying to accomplish goals and make a success out of his life.
  
• Accept your flaws and insecurities but don't let them control your behavior. We're all imperfect in our own unique way.
• Realize that women are attracted to positive behavioral traits, and if you are not showing these then you will continue to be in the "friend zone".

Don'ts

• Don't act needy or insecure, they are immediate attraction killers.
• Don't always be a "Yes" man.
• Don't lay all your cards on the table. Women like a little challenge and mystery. Let them chase you.
• Don't revolve your world around anyone else. If you don't have your own life you will make the other person feel suffocated.
• Don't start a blog dedicated to Molly Ringwold, unless you are very secure with yourself.
• Don't ever accept being in a position that you don't want to be in. If you don't want to be in the "friend zone" then let that be known and move on. Never settle for being second best just because its "good enough".
  

Further Reading